


Pink hearts are stupid (and mine is too)

by astralelegies



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Femslash February, POV Melinda May, mayhill, seriously I need to stop with high school fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-19 06:15:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5956723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralelegies/pseuds/astralelegies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Melinda May finds February 14th to be a pointless holiday. One that her best friend Phil is utterly too enthusiastic about, and that her longtime crush Maria Hill might just have dubious plans for. </p>
<p>Or, the S.H.I.E.L.D. faves are in high school and May makes a sassy teenager</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pink hearts are stupid (and mine is too)

It was February 14th, the dawn of a rather cloudy Friday, and Melinda May had recently turned seventeen. This made her old enough to condemn the holiday’s pastel heart-filled frivolities, but not yet of an age when she could be assured of remaining entirely outside its clutches. She rose early to ensure she would be adequately prepared for the onslaught the day had in store. All-black ensemble? Check. A prodigious stash of rock music? Check. Stony demeanor? Double check. 

She laced her combat boots with ferocity. She didn’t want to have to kick anyone’s teeth in today, but she wasn’t ruling out the possibility. 

As predicted, the school hallways were decked out in a variety of red and pink paper-mâché monstrosities. The swapping of candy hearts and boxes of chocolate had already begun, and Melinda saw a gaggle of freshmen surrounding a teary-eyed girl near a row of lockers. _So the drama’s begun as well. Fantastic._

Someone launched themself onto her from behind. 

“Phil Coulson unhand me right now,” she growled. 

He released her from the hug, grinning irritatingly. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” 

“I would hesitate to use the word ‘happy’ to describe any part of this situation,” she muttered. 

He laughed. “You just need to get into the spirit.”

“ _That_ is the last thing I need.” 

By the end of first period Melinda had already been presented with three of the school’s fundraiser roses, anonymously delivered by members of the student council.

“This is ridiculous,” she said. 

Phil gave her what he probably thought was a knowing look. “Seems like you’ve got some secret admirers.” 

“I doubt that.” She set off walking for their next class. He raced to catch up to her. 

“Have you seen Maria yet?”

She frowned. “No.” 

“Oh. Well, Romanoff said—

“Do I _look_ like I care what Romanoff said?”

“Well—no,” he faltered, “but I thought you might want to hear it anyway.” 

She sighed. “Fine. What did Romanoff say.” 

“Just that she’s on student council with Maria, and, well…it sounded like she was planning something.”

“Is that all?” Melinda stepped into their chemistry classroom. “Maria Hill is always planning something. I don’t see why it should have to involve me.” 

“Apparently this time it does.”

Melinda wished the other girl would leave well enough alone. Or, okay, if she was being honest with herself, her actual wishes were somewhere along the lines of “fuck me in the third floor janitor’s closet.” But that was beside the point. Maria Hill was a flirt and a menace and a terrible tease, and she knew it, but if all she had in mind was this agonizing game of will-we won’t-we she could find someone else’s hormones to toy with. 

And Melinda would tell it to her face, too, except Maria was sitting at the back of the classroom with Romanoff and Fury and Victoria Hand. And that crowd always meant trouble. 

Sure enough, it was less than halfway through the lesson when they started up their shenanigans. 

“I was told to give this to you.” Victoria Hand passed her a slip of paper. 

Melinda took it without looking. “Who’s it from.”

“Who do you think?”

_That’s about what I suspected._ She unfolded it to reveal a note scrawled in what was obviously Maria’s handwriting. _Do you have eleven protons? Because you’re sodium fine._ She crumpled it in her fist and glanced up at Victoria. 

“Will you please let her know that if she insists on writing me stupid messages the least she can do is make them worth my time?” 

Victoria snorted. “I’ll tell her. Also, here.”

It was another piece of paper, this one with her number on it. 

“If you and Maria don’t work out you should give me a call sometime.” 

Phil elbowed her side. “And you say you don’t like Valentine’s Day.”

“It’s a pointless holiday,” said Melinda, rolling her eyes. 

Six minutes later there was another note for her. _I wish I could be adenine because then I’d get paired with U._ This time, she decided to write back.

_Go try exciting someone else’s natural frequency._

She caught Maria smirking when she read it and pretended it didn’t make her heart rate speed up. _Only five more classes to go_ , she thought. 

She was given three more roses before lunch. By now she was beginning to have an idea of who they were all from.

“You do realize,” Phil said around a mouthful of pastrami sandwich, “that normally when a girl buys you a bunch of flowers and tries to seduce you in science class it means she’s interested.”

“Maria Hill is not a normal girl.”

“Obviously.” He took another bite of his sandwich. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be so besotted with her.”

“You seem to think she has me wrapped around her finger.”

“Maybe. But not any more than she’s wrapped around yours.”

Melinda would have to wait and see about that. Her next couple classes passed fairly uneventfully, at least for her. There seemed to be all kinds of drama happening with the rest of her classmates—the usual break-ups and make-ups and Romanoff’s hoard of spurned lovers moaning about their fragile hearts. None of it was very worth paying attention to. She had trouble keeping her mind on the lessons as well, even though she usually would have at least tried to retain some of the information (after all, she never knew when she might need it). But for some _annoying_ reason, her mind kept drifting to Maria Hill. It was utterly ridiculous. 

“You should ask her out,” Phil told her. It was a few minutes until the start of their last class of the day, and Maria was due to make an appearance any moment. 

“I’ll pass.”

“C’mon, there is literally no way she can turn you down, she’s been trying to get in your pants since the start of first semester.”

There were many ways in which she could turn Melinda down, most of them agonizing and more than a little embarrassing. 

“It’s not gonna happen.”

She had resorted to staring out the window morosely when Phil kicked her under the table, hard.

“What the hell was that fo—oh.” 

He was pointing at the doorway, where Maria had made her entrance. She’d changed outfits from earlier and was now wearing suspenders and a bowtie in a rather vibrant shade of red, complete with pants in the same shade and a pair of high-heeled boots. Utter flamboyancy. ( _But she does look really hot_ , said the corner of Melinda’s brain that she was refusing to acknowledge.) Beyond that, she was carrying a _full bouquet_ of red roses. 

“She’s insane,” Melinda said.

“You’re smiling,” Phil pointed out.

“Shut up.”

“And is that a _blush_ I see tinging our stone-cold ladykiller’s cheeks?”

She didn’t dignify him with a response. Maria marched up to her, smirk thoroughly in place.

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“People should stop saying that,” said Melinda. 

Maria took on a mock-scandalized tone. “But if they didn’t, then I couldn’t give you these lovely flowers.” 

“You’ve already presented me with an entire armada.”

“And have I convinced you yet?”

“To what?”

“Date me.” Maria took a step closer. 

“It’s a good prank,” Melinda said, “but I fail to find it funny.”

“It isn’t a prank.” For the first time in a while Maria sounded serious. “I mean it. Will you go out with me?” 

Phil whistled from behind them, and Melinda resisted the urge to punch him. 

“Do you even have to ask?” she was smiling in earnest now, much as it pained her to admit it. 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Maria grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door. “I think we’ve played this scene. Let’s find somewhere to better use our time.” 

Melinda hooked a finger through one of her suspenders. “What did you have in mind?”

Maria whispered it in her ear.

“Phil.” She turned to him. “Please inform the teacher we went home sick.”

“Sick,” he muttered, shaking his head. “Right.” 

And it was probably ill-advised to skip class just because some girl had wooed her with shrubbery, but Melinda couldn’t find it in her to care. She had a date with the janitor’s closet.


End file.
